


Just don't you lose hope

by SheppyTheHam



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But Look What Happened, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Human Catra (She-Ra), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), Poor Catra (She-Ra), Self-Hatred, This story is set in England, This was supposed to be a light hearted story, Turkish Sea Hawk, mention of animal abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheppyTheHam/pseuds/SheppyTheHam
Summary: For a moment, I thought Adora wasn't going to talk anymore, but she spoke up again. "And if you behave yourself, you can get outta this place once your time is done and live your life. Promise me you'll never get arrested again."Usually I don't make promises, but for her? "I promise."





	1. This house is not a home

**Author's Note:**

> I should have posted a chapter for my other story for this fandom, but I just wanted to get this outta the way. I'll probably post the second chapter for this when the other story's done. 
> 
> Some character names have been changed to fit with the alternate universe. Catra is still Catra but that's a nickname and she hasn't spoken about her real name yet.
> 
> I'm not good at writing first person because I usually always write in third person, but for some reason the story was just really stiff with third person pov so I switched.
> 
> Sorry for this long ramble.

The secure care home set up by the wealthy couple Sheila and Harold Weaver a few decades ago is one for troubled children, or as I call it, psychos. All the children living here have dead or deadbeat parents and have done something seriously dangerous and most likely illegal, which would have normally sent them to a young offender's institution. Pretty much prison for people under eighteen. I've been in one before. But in recent years, this care home's started to accommodate children who get given a "second chance" by the youth justice board — some new government set up wanted to see the effects of a less "prison-like" living space. They don't give a damn, though. Just wanna decrease the percentage of kids in young offender's institutions and make themselves look better by calling this place a care home.

Nobody's allowed to leave the premises unless they're being taken out by a staff member. Nobody's allowed a phone and we can only use the clunky phones stuck on the wall, and there's only two of them. Nobody uses them anyway., The beds and other furniture are bolted to the floor so nobody can throw 'em at each other. There's nine of us in total, being between fourteen and seventeen years old.

Honestly, the only thing about this place that isn't absolute shit is that the building is big and has good outdoor facilities. Also the fact that I don't have to sleep in a small, cold cell surrounded by other fucking goons screaming their damn heads off. I don't have to worry about any assholes attacking me at night because even the dumbasses in here know it'd get them in big trouble. They save the fighting for daytime. Anyway, I should stop monologuing. Is that even a word? Fuck it.

I woke up in my bed, surprised to see that it was light, and I yawned, rubbing my eyes. Most of the time I'd have nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night. Then the sports instructor, who went by the name Scorpia, burst into the room. "Wakey wakey!" she roared and abruptly left. I flinched like I'd just been woken up even though I was already awake. The fuck? This bitch screamed louder than Shrek just to tell me to get ready for morning exercise. Whoever planned our routine might have been fitness freaks, but I sure as hell wasn't. It was half term. Still. I'd be sat down by a staff member and lectured about my "physical health" as if they actually cared, when all they wanted do was just tick a fucking box to show the government that we were following the guidelines. It was seven in the morning and I couldn't be arsed to deal with that shit.

Quickly, I pulled some clothes out of the small drawer near my bed, a tattered black hoodie and tracksuit bottoms. I went to the bathroom to change, because as cowardly as it sounded, I didn't want Adora— no, _anyone_ to see my body. No I'm not some nun who swore to be celibate or pure or untouched by the gaze of men whatever, I just hate my body. Makes me remember how pathetic I am. When I left the bathroom after ten minutes or so, I tried to pull my skeeves down but they bounced back up to a few centimetres below my elbow. The hoodie was getting a bit small for me since I'd had it for years and my wrists were poking out of the damn arm holes exposing the scar running down my right forearm. Fuck it. The jagged scar going diagonally across my cheek was pretty obvious as much as I tried to hide it with my hair and hood so why would one on my arm matter?

Later we were outside in the large green space. Everyone was there ready to exercise and farther away was the tall metal fence that caged us in. A reminder that we were trapped. It was still cold and I shivered, though I was glad my large hair kept my head warm. The downsides were that it took ages to dry if it got wet and I'd overheat quickly in hot weather.

"This is bullshit," one of the girls, Lonnie, grumbled. I rolled my eyes. Lonnie always said the same thing every morning. She needed to stop fucking whining and complain internally like the rest of us because she was keeping us out here for longer than we were supposed to be.

"Huh?" Scorpia asked, raising a thick eyebrow. She was new to the care home — it was her first week working here — but I bet even she was already tired of Lonnie saying that. "Your health ain't bullshit, kid. Now get in line."

Lonnie, being her usual defiant self, didn't get in line. "You better be careful, or I'll mess your damn health up so bad you'll be in a hospital," she said, clenched fists shaking by her sides. Damn it, I just wanted to start fucking running cause I was freezing my tits off.

I glanced at Adora, who was shaking her head as if she knew what was going to happen. Lonnie, the dumbass, was threatening to assault one of the staff members. And she had actually assaulted some of them a few times. Her violent acts were the reason she was chucked into this place, unsurprisingly.

"Nah. I don't think so," Scorpia said, shrugging her large shoulders.

Lonnie wasn't a shrimp or anything — in fact, she was surprisingly strong even though she wasn't exactly on the giant side. About five feet and six inches tall but sturdy like a fucking Nokia brick. Scorpia, however, was much taller and much beefier. "Now come on, we haven't got all day. Let's start jogging." She dashed off and I followed, sighing in relief.

One of the boys giggled and Lonnie gave him the middle finger as they ran. "I swear to God, I'll bash your fucking head in—" she began.

"Shut the fuck up," I grumbled, tired of hearing her voice so early in the day.

Lonnie thankfully stayed quiet. But I knew I'd have to deal with the consequences sooner or later, because that bitch was fucking persistent.

*

After running on the track and doing many push ups and stretches, sports was over and my lungs and muscles were burning. I could feel my heart pounding but I liked it. Helped distract me from thinking about other stuff. I showered back in my room even though I hated showers, and we all went to the kitchen for some plain cereal then put the plates away. After that, I went to a revision lesson, which I found completely unnecessary, seeing as I wasn't even going to school. I was in a room with three others, two of them being boys, and scooted away from them and anxiously glanced at the door. I'd gotten used to the quiet room Adora and I shared, but I still disliked being indoors overall, especially when the doors were shut. The windows in the room were small and had reinforced glass so we couldn't break 'em, which meant the only exit was the door, and I had no idea what could be on the other side. Fuck, thinking about it was making me get restless. A hard tap on the desk shook me out of my thoughts, and the teacher reminded me to get to work on analysing the extract from a Shakespeare play for english literature. I actually did like reading, but how the fuck was being able to identify language techniques and themes going to help me survive?

In the room with me was Lonnie. She was half black and half something else, with her head shaved on the sides and her dreads pulled back and tied up at the top. Taller than me by a few centimetres and almost twice as wide. Girl was super buff. I'd been punched by her many times and it fucking hurt, though I'd never tell her that. But she was slow which meant I could outrun her — not that I would ever run from her — and she never guarded her stomach and usually backed down after a few hits. Yeah, it's kinda creepy how I'm analysing her, but when most of the people in your life try to fuck you over, you learn to find ways to defend yourself. Lonnie got dumped here by the local authorities because she beat up and robbed an old person. Coward. Who would attack a granny or grandpa? I knew this cause she always used that old person as an example of what would happen to her enemies. At the moment, Lonnie was shooting death glares and creepy grins at me while mouthing shit I couldn't understand. I didn't care. If I get scared of a bitch who beat up someone with one foot already in the grave, then I should just be put down like a dog.

The other person in the room, a sixteen year old guy, was called Deniz. Middle name Şahin, last name Ateş. Apparently it meant Sea Hawk Fire when translated to English. He was taller than Lonnie with dark wavy hair and tan skin and weirdly enough, a moustache. I had never fought him and I didn't know exactly where he was from or why he was here, but I had a pretty solid idea. The dude was, ironically, obsessed with fire and even attempted to start a fire in his room one time, which had got him thrown into solitary confinement — the staff call it the isolation room — to think about what he'd done. Now he was often searched for anything that could be used to start fires and anything flammable in his room had been removed or locked up. He was super loud and really touchy, so sometimes he accidentally patted me on the back. First time he did that I gave him a bloody nose.

The last guy was Rogelio, a bulky guy about six feet tall with bright green hair. Said he stole a car and crashed it and killed somebody. I didn't know if he was being honest, but if he was telling the truth he'd be locked up for a long time. He didn't speak much and I never spoke to him. He got really mad if anyone called him a Mexican.

After what felt like forever, the lesson ended. Thank God. It was half term and we had to suffer through two hours of lessons every day. The others and I walked out to have a break. We could sit in the shared living area in front of the televison or go outside and "play." I wasn't interested in that, but at least there were some chickens outside. I liked them. There used to be more but someone killed a few - snapped their little birdy necks. I didn't know who did that but I would have snapped their neck if I did because I almost cried when I saw their lifeless bodies. After that incident, cameras were set up near the coops.

I must have zoned out for a moment because I was suddenly very aware that someone was following me from a few metres away, even though the carpeted floor smothered the sound of our footsteps. Sometimes my hearing was absolute shit and sometimes I felt like I could hear a pin drop from another room. A useful skill. Helped me avoid my step dad before he even got into the house. Judging by the sound the person behind me was Lonnie. I turned around, glaring. "You gonna try and hit me?" I growled. "I can fucking take you on right now, if you want."

Lonnie shrugged, looking around to see if any staff members were around. Not very likely. Despite the whole "second chance" thing nobody wanted to be near a bunch of kids like us so there weren't many staff members. Maybe they weren't paid enough to deal with the bullshit. Cameras were hired instead and nobody really checked them unless something really serious had happened so they were mostly useless. "I might not hit you. But maybe I will. If your gay friend don't find you," she said, shrugging again.

I frowned. Could Lonnie just not talk in fucking riddles? "Who?"

"Catra," Adora called from about two metres behind me.

"Oh."

"I'll deal with you when I feel like it," Lonnie muttered, walking past me and bumping into my shoulder. I resisted the urge to punch her right there and then as anger burned in my chest.

"Hi," Adora said once she was near me, a bit breathless, glaring at Lonnie as she stalked past. Lonnie didn't say anything. Made sense. Adora was taller than her, standing a bit below six feet, and was just as strong, maybe even stronger than Lonnie. Although she was unnervingly calm most of the time, she'd freak if anyone did anything to me and had broken Lonnie's wrist before. I was kind of glad she was on my side because the girl would be a serious threat to me if she wasn't but at the same time it pissed me off. I wasn't weak and I didn't belong to her. "Did she touch you?"

I shook my head as we walked outside to sit under a tree on a faded patch of grass. "It doesn't matter. We don't fight anymore," I said, pulling my hood off and running my fingers through my still damp hair in an attempt to untangle it. I should really brush it, but I can't be asked. What I said about Lonnie and I was true for the most part. In the past we'd always attack each other over any small thing. Example: Lonnie grabbed my arm one time and I freaked out and punched her in the face and we fell on the floor. But after being put in the isolation room (which was full of hello kitty pillows) many times we decided it wasn't worth it.

"Yeah. I'm sure as hell glad you don't," Adora muttered, glaring at the floor.

"You bored? Coz I am," I said, flopping onto my back and looking up. English weather was a piss take to most people, but I liked that it was mostly cold and bleak. I stared at the pale expanse of the sky listening to the shrill chirping of the birds. I couldn't see Adora but I heard the little rustle of her hair brushing against her back. She must have nodded in response to my question. Just then, a staff member rushed by, shouting into a clunky radio about how some of the security cameras had broken down. "This place is starting to get more like a dump the more I stay here," I muttered. It had been a year since I first got here. Wasn't the worst place I'd stayed in, though. That number one worst place spot would be my house, where I lived before I got arrested and the second spot would be the young offender's institution I stayed in for around a year and a half.

Adora grabbed my hand with her warm large one and squeezed it. I bristled but quickly placed my other hand atop hers and squeezed back. A year ago, maybe even a few months ago, I wouldn't allow anyone to touch me without getting hurt. "Yeah, well. There's not long left," she said.

I nodded, unenthusiastic. I had just turned sixteen and Adora was going to be eighteen in a few months. I still had a year and six months until the end of my sentence, and got arrested when I was thirteen and a half. Felt like so long ago.

*

After dinner we were cleaning up and wiping the tables and all that stuff when we were called to the living room by Joe for our weekly game night. Joe was the handler here. You could call her the big mama of the house. She was a short woman about fifty something years old with greying hair, though there was a light in her eyes that made her look younger than she really was. I liked her. Unlike the other adults I'd known in my short life, she seemed to genuinely care about us and treat us like people instead of animals, thugs, ~~sex toys,~~ objects or crime statistics. When speaking to one of us she always referred to us as "love" or "darling" or "poppet." Yeah. She even liked me. Even Lonnie. Even more shocking, she was nice to Octavia and her creepy fucking boyfriend Steve too.

Oh yeah, I haven't told you about those bastards, have I. I'll start with Octavia.

Her dreads were long, reaching halfway down her back and she was tall, around the same height as Adora, and curvy. Unfortunately, I don't know much about her physical abilities because I've never fought her. She seems to be good at sports, though. Well, anyway, we argued one time and she got up close, real fucking close, and then bragged about how many cats and dogs she'd murdered until she was finally caught, and how if I didn't watch out she'd do it to me and it made my blood fucking boil. I bet she was the cunt that murdered those chickens, though I don't have proper evidence. When I asked her about it she just laughed. Good start, eh? It's going to get worse. She described in graphic detail what she'd done to a litter of kittens. Gouged out their eyes, slit open their tummies, removed their limbs and crushed their small heads with rocks, cutting their cries short. Sick fuck kept count. Apparently even had a journal where she wrote every single death down. I really hoped she was lying to look badass, but God, who the fuck murders baby animals who can't insult you, hurt you or fight back? Lonnie was practically a saint compared to her. I wanna kill Octavia so bad just so she can feel a fraction of what those poor animals went through, but I can't cause I'll end up rotting in a cell for the rest of my life.

Her boyfriend Steve was the literal antithesis of her. Where her skin was dark, his was a sickly pale. Octavia had some fat on her but also appeared to be muscular underneath. On the other hand Steve looked like a skeleton with some skin stretched over it. I could practically see the blue veins and contours of his skull through his translucent skin. Don't have as much to say about him as his piece of shit girlfriend but I hate him just as much as I hate her. The dude makes me wanna puke. Whenever he sees me around he licks his lips and makes wanking gestures. It's so fucking sickening. Makes me feel filthy. I almost pounce on him each time with the burning desire to tear his face off but I wouldn't even touch that fucker with a ten metre pole. Oddly enough his girlfriend doesn't mind him leering at me but I kind of wish she did so he'd fucking leave me alone.

Anyway, back to what I was saying.

All nine of us gathered in the living room. Me, Adora, Lonnie, Deniz, Rogelio, Piece of Shit and her boyfriend and two others that I haven't mentioned. Kyle and Emily. Those two are quiet as hell so I don't know much about them. Then again, I don't talk much either.

Kyle was sixteen and blonde like Adora, but really wimpy looking. He spoke with an irish accent that made him sound merry even if he was miserable. I have no idea why he got arrested.

Emily was fourteen and really short, shorter than me. She was literally five feet, and I'm a fucking dwarf compared to almost everyone in here. Her hair was dyed a light purple colour and were tied up in pigtails but her roots were beginning to show. She didn't speak much either but sometimes she said and did the weirdest things. Lonnie broke one of her cardboard "inventions" a while back and I swear to God Emily went apeshit and tried to murder her. Thankfully Joe separated them and Emily cried on the floor.

So yeah, that was all of us.

I sat near Adora on one of the faded sofas, taking my shoes off and sitting cross legged. Deniz was bouncing around the place and picking up a bunch of boxes of board games because he wasn't sure which one to pick. Lonnie and Rogelio were on another sofa and Kyle had chosen to sit on the big beanbags. Emily was just literally lying on the floor, scratching her fingers up and down the shaggy carpet, and Piece of Shit and her boyfriend were sharing an armchair and kissing so hard that it looked like they were trying to devour each other. Just the sight of that made me feel like a bunch of hands were groping me, and I held back a shiver.

Of course Adora noticed that and gave me a look. Not a sympathetic or angry look but just a look to say "Yeah I saw that." I glared and pulled my hood over my head, making my hair stick out of the hole at funny angles, and stuffed my hands in my pockets. That observant asshole. Why the fuck was she even looking at me?! Who wants to go through that eye torture? She's so fucking perfect and I look like I got chewed up by a bunch of dogs.

Shit. I swear too much. Even if it's just in my head.

We started playing monopoly for some reason. That never ended well. To be honest, we didn't even know the damn rules. Deniz kept managing to steal money from everyone and Emily and Lonnie were fighting over who got to be the car. I didn't really get the big deal about the car because it looked like shit. The game ended with nobody winning and everybody arguing. Rogelio and Piece of Shit began wrestling. Don't worry, it wasn't as serious as it looked. They were just play fighting. Maybe. I hoped Rogelio would win.

Joe, who had given up on trying to win Monopoly long ago, beckoned to me and walked into the kitchen. Puzzled, I followed her after jumping back into my shoes. She stood in front of the sink and I anxiously started fiddling with the drawstrings of my hoodie.

"Hello, love," she said. "How you doing?"

Why did she take me to the kitchen to ask that? Was I in trouble or something? Fuck.

"Same as always," I muttered, staring at the tiles of the floor.

Her hands reached out to my head and I involuntarily squeezed my eyes shut as if bracing myself for a slap. My hood was pulled down and my hair puffed out. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Joe was looking at me with an expression akin to... disappointment? No. Fuck. I wasn't good at this shit. She looked like she was... pitying me. No, that wasn't right either. She just looked sad. Why? I made her sad. I upset the only adult who was nice to me. I remembered the scar on my face and turned my head slightly so it wasn't as obvious.

"You know, if there's anything you want to talk about, you can come to me," Joe said.

I shook my head immediately. "I'm fine," I muttered. I wasn't going to tell her anything. I've kept quiet for years and I can keep doing that. Because I'm not some fucking weakling. Part of me felt guilty for lying to her, but even if I did want to talk I just wouldn't know where to start.

"Your clothes look a bit small for you," she continued. I nodded with a grunt. "We could go out and buy you some." I shrugged. It had been a while since I'd gone outside past the fence. "Maybe buy you some school clothes, too." My eyes widened.

"What?!" I spluttered. What the actual fuck?!

Joe clasped my hands and patted them gently, though my shoulders still shook slightly at this. "Please, dear. I'm thinking about your future. You're the only one here that isn't going to school. How are you going to deal with other people when you get out of here?"

If I've dealt with my piece of shit "family" I can deal with anything. Of course, I didn't say that out loud. "But I haven't been to school in... _years_!" I argued. "I'll look retarded!"

Joe gave me a stern look. "Don't say that word," she said. "And you're doing fine. The lessons you've been doing are at the level for your year group so you'll fit right in. Well, maybe except your writing, but you'll get more help than you will here. I checked."

"With the youth justice board? Or the school?" I snapped, feeling guilty as the words left my mouth, but I couldn't stop myself. "I'm not ready! But you're still going to force me to go because those arseholes in charge want to make it seem like their stupid fucking program is working, but it's not. You know what happened yesterday? Lonnie's jacket got caught on a banister and she tried to rip it off the wall. She tried to murder an inanimate fucking object! That's not normal. And last week? When Deniz accidentally broke one of those shitty plastic garden chairs and the legs flew across the floor? Remember that?" She nodded and I kept going. "I just stared at one of the legs and thought about how I could use it as a weapon. It'd be too weak to use as a bat but maybe if I sharpened it somehow I could stab my dad if he ever—"

"Ever what?" Joe was staring at at me seriously. She knew why I was in here but I had never told anyone about my life before I got arrested.

I could stab my step dad if he ever came here to hurt me. Do things to me I never wanted to think about ever again. "Nothing," I mumbled. Joe thankfully didn't force me to talk.

"Cat, love," she began. "I want you to be happy, I really do. But I'm not the one who makes the rules. The board's been nagging at me to get you to go. If you don't you'll be deemed a lost cause and you'll probably be sent back to the young offender's institution. Believe me, I'm doing this for your own good."

I nodded to acknowledge her, but didn't want to tell her the real reason why I didn't want to go to school. It wasn't the work. Fuck, it wasn't even that I wanted to spite the arseholes working for the board and the school.

It's because I'd be walking through hallways packed with people bumping and touching and it'd be so damn loud and warm and the classrooms would be packed and loud and if I was on a floor high up for a lesson and I wanted to escape I wouldn't be able to jump out through the windows so I'd have to walk round the desks and chairs and get slowed down and leave through the door and I wouldn't be able to tell who'd be on the other side and it could be _my dad **m** y da **d** my **dad my dad** —_

Deniz thankfully woke me from my conscious nightmare. " _Naber, kız,_ " he said to Joe, winking as he walked in. I had no idea what the fuck he said but Joe giggled and waved a hand at him.

"Flattery won't work on an old woman like me," she said.

"I heard what you were speaking about—" he began.

"You eavesdropping piece of shit!" I growled. That fucking cunt heard me waffle on about school and my dad. Fuck! Joe gave me a warning look as if she was reading my mind.

"And it'd be good if Catra started school," Deniz said. I glared at him. "She's only missed the first half term of the year and she can easily catch up!  _Kolay_ like... like pie."

I continued to glare at him.

"Hey, you like music, don't you?" he asked. For a moment I didn't reply.

"Yeah. I'm doing the GCSE," I said, shrugging and continuing to stare at the floor. All the boring shit. I was looking at songs selected by the exam board and analysing how the tonality, texture, instrumentation, time signature and other shit affected the way the songs sounded.

"If you go to school you could learn how to play whatever you like!"

I still didn't understand why he wanted me to go to school so bad, but Joe was looking intensely at me. It looked like I didn't have a choice. Fucking hell.

"Alright. I'll do it."

*

Four AM and I was shaking in my bed after being woken up by nightmares. My sweat was cold and my clothes were stuck to my skin. A pale, silver light shone through the narrow window coating a small patch of the floor and in the black sky was the moon, nearly as blinding as the sun when stared at. I stumbled out of my bed and anxiously glanced at Adora's sleeping form. Thank God. She wasn't bleeding to death after my step dad slit her throat and made me watch. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I actually cared about her.

After quietly going to the bathroom in our room and dunking some cold water on my face, I went back to where our beds were and stood watching Adora for a moment. I wasn't close enough to tell if she was breathing and I wanted to make sure she was okay. Some small, weak part of me was worried that my step dad had snuck in somehow and discreetly choked her to death. I quickly opened the cupboard and looked under our beds to see if he was hiding there, and I looked behind the shower curtain too. Then I got a bit closer to Adora and climbed on her bed, the mattress compressed softly under my weight before springing back up. Adora's blue eyes opened and stared at me through the veil of darkness, knowing the silhouette of my unruly hair too well. "Hey, Catra," she said quietly, her voice rough from not being used for a few hours, though despite her efforts it still sounded loud in the room. "Bad dream?"

"No," I murmured, barely audible, but she probably didn't believe me. God, I felt so pathetic. I turned and sat hunched over on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, back facing Adora, waiting for my breathing to calm down.

"You know, if you wanted to sleep with me, you could have just asked," Adora said, shuffling to one side of the small bed and opening her arms up, resting the back of her head on her palms. I turned back, trying not to stare at her boobs. I felt guilty about even wanting to but I just thought they were interesting, since I barely had any. Adora must have misinterpreted my staring because she looked flustered for a moment. "I didn't mean that in a weird way. I meant falling asleep," she said in a slightly smaller voice, bringing her arms down. Usually she was so stoic, but when she was like this it was kind of cute. I figured if she was awake then she must have been unable to sleep or had nightmares, too. So I decided to lie down for her sake. She was on her back and I was on my side. Suddenly she turned to her side, too, so we were staring right at each other. Eye contact isn't something I'm good at and I felt my ears and face burn. I didn't know what this was. What the fuck we were doing. I could just kiss her but fuck I'm so scared. Scared she won't like it. Scared I won't like it. Scared it'll hurt and I'll be reminded of the past.

"You feel better now I'm here?" I asked, trying to hide my nervousness. My eyes zoomed in on a little piece of fluff on the bed.

"I was trying to comfort _you_ ," Adora said. "But yeah. I'm glad you're here."

"Half term's gonna end soon," I sighed, my face burning more intensely. Fucking hell, what was wrong with me? Just cause she said she was glad to see me I was getting all...

"Hm?"

"You're gonna go back to college."

"Yeah. And I heard you're gonna start school," she replied. Fuck. Adora already knew? Deniz must have spread the gossip already, that bastard.

"In a few months your sentence is gonna be over," I muttered.

To be honest, I didn't know why she was in here because I never asked and she never told me. But she did say she was going to be out soon.

"Yeah." For a moment, I thought Adora wasn't going to talk anymore, but she spoke up again. "And if you behave yourself, you can get outta this place once your time is done and live your life. Promise me you'll never get arrested again."

Usually I don't make promises, but for her? "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what Sea Hawk said:  
> "Naber, kız" - What's up, girl  
> "Kolay as turta" - easy as pie. He substituted the turkish words into the english grammar so it's some kind of weird mix.  
> I'm not a law expert and I've never been arrested or put in prison, so hopefully I haven't made any mistakes.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!


	2. Being beaten up sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I wouldn't update for a while but I have, so big oof to me.

Joe must have been really serious about me going to school, because as soon as I finished my lessons for the day we prepared to go out. Annoyingly, she made me change my clothes and dry my hair so I looked "presentable." Fucking Christ, were we gonna meet the Queen or something? I get that she meant well and all but could she not see the giant fucking scar on my face? I'd scare everyone away if I didn't cover up but I complied and for once wore something that wasn't black: an orange hoodie and some jeans. Yes. Jeans. Bloody rebel, I am. That annoying prick Deniz begged to come along though I can't say I blame him since he's been locked here ever since the half term, and for him that's a long time. Oddly enough the weirdo wanted to go back to school. I said bye to Adora and then Joe, Deniz and I signed out at the gate and we drove off. I sat in the middle row of the minivan, yawning my head off since I barely got any sleep — partly because of nightmares and partly because I was just staring at Adora the whole time — and Deniz was in the front seat while Joe was driving. The atmosphere was full of nervous tension and I didn't know why. Maybe it was my fault. "So," Joe began, eyes on the road, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. "It's a bit empty in here without everyone else."

Deniz snorted and bashed the back of his head against the headrest. "Empty? More than that!" He paused for a moment. "Back in _Türkiye_ , we used to fit ten people into a five seat car!" Hardcore.

"Oh dear. What about the police?" Joe asked, sounding concerned. Deniz didn't say anything but I just assumed that he shrugged 'cause I wasn't looking at him. My attention was focused on the window and I watched as trees blurred past us in flashes of brown. All their leaves had fallen off because it was winter, leaving them looking almost naked. It wasn't cold enough to snow yet but it was getting there. In London there's rarely heavy snowfall but we were out of London in some random place so there probably would be. I don't even remember the fucking name.

The care home was in a pretty secluded area anyway, but what really took the piss was that to get in and out you'd need to drive through a forest that looked like it'd be in some creepypasta story. Man, the government really wanted us out of the fucking way. Apparently a bunch of rich people even offered to pay to keep us away from their neighbourhood. Not that I'm complaining. I'm glad we're isolated from cities and towns because at the end of the day most people there are complete scumbags. Well, they are where I come from — chavs, chavettes, roadmen, drunkards and crackheads roam the garbage littered, graffiti decorated, gum crusted, dog-shit coated streets carrying knives or guns around like they own the fucking place when they're really just human vermin. In the towering council estate in north London where I lived you'd regularly see kids smoking or drinking alcohol and people would shank each other over the dumbest shit imaginable. I'd never touch alcohol after the things it made my dad do, and cigarettes tasted like shit, but it was no surprise I ended up arrested. Honestly, the most surprising thing was that I hadn't even killed anyone. For a while I zoned out and when I started listening again Deniz was talking about his two brothers. "I just miss them a lot," he muttered.

"The eff are they called? Ocean Eagle and Water Vulture?" I grumbled, yawning. He turned to look at me over his shoulder. "If that's the case, that's taking the fucking piss," I said, and Joe sent me a warning look from the mirror. Ah, yes. The "no swearing" look. After that, neither of us talked, and I drifted to sleep, leaning my cheek on the window. I didn't know how long had passed but the minivan crawled to a stop into a parking space. Deniz and Joe got out, shutting the doors behind them, and the sound made me wince. Then I reluctantly opened my door, squinting at the light entering my eyes. Bloody hell I must have looked like a raccoon trying to pass as a human. As far as I know there aren't even raccoons in England so that was a stupid comparison. I pulled my hood up and kept my head down, looking away from Joe as I knew she'd be giving me another of her classic stares. We walked towards one of the stores, avoiding the other cars driving into the car park, and entered. It was small and dimly lit, but Deniz started bouncing around like a kangaroo that injected lucozade into its veins and I followed behind Joe, thankful that the shop wasn't too packed so I didn't have to hide behind the racks of clothes. Joe went to look at white shirts.

Oh shit. I hadn't been to school in years and I forgot that most of them required uniforms. I was gonna look like a complete and utter speng. Fuck, I was beginning to regret ever agreeing to this shitty idea — why did I think doing normal things would make me less of a freak? One of the benefits of the care home us criminal kids got was that we were able to go to an actual school, though that sounded more like a punishment than a blessing. Joe checked the size and ages that the shirts were meant for and took the pack, and then did the same for some other clothes. The only part of the uniform she didn't buy was a blazer, because she had to buy it from the actual school. Damn it. Why did we have to go through all this bull and spend money when we could just wear our own stuff?

Deniz came back and Joe knew I wasn't going to try on the clothes, so she paid and we left, though I felt uncomfortable. I wasn't really used to people buying me things without me asking and it pissed me off that I couldn't repay Joe for taking care of us all, but I stayed quiet. I've been skint before and that's not including the shit that happened before I got arrested. One time the government cut off money from the care home's budget so for a while we were just getting by on those three for a pound packets of noodles and we couldn't keep the radiators on, even though it was freezing outside and we had to hide in our blankets like a bunch of rabbits. And the chickens, the poor chickens.

Next, we went to a nearby tesco. Joe bought stuff for the house and then we were back in the minivan. Deniz sighed, probably 'cause he was sad we were going back to the care home. Couldn't relate. Too many people had seen my face today: the stare, then the look-away-like-they-weren't-staring-in-the-first-place. Pissed me off and I had to clench my teeth real hard so I wouldn't open my mouth and snap at them. Plus, there wasn't much to do outside except watch cars drive in and out the car park, and watch a flock pigeons fight over who would get to peck the remaining chicken meat off the bones on the floor. Most people think pigeons are a nuisance, but they're just trying to get by in a world of garbage. I think they're kinda cute and often times I have to resist the urge to just grab one. I didn't bother to put my seat belt on and lay down, my body stretching over all the seats in the middle row. "Cat," Joe warned. "Your seat belt." I just shrugged. "What if we crash? You could get hurt really bad, love." Yeah, because a seat belt is definitely going to stop me from being crushed.

"You could break through the window!" Deniz said, countering my thoughts, sounding overly excited by the possibility. Plonker. That fucking prat was addicted to danger. Groaning, I sat up and clicked my seat belt into place, rubbing a hand up my clothed forearm. To be honest, I didn't care if I lived or died, though I wouldn't tell anyone that because I'd be investigated for suicidal thoughts or mental problems or whatever, and I didn't want to risk being sent back to the YOI for being too "unstable". Sure, sometimes I did lose the will to live, like back when I was in the YOI, but that was because of the cell. We were trapped in our tiny cells like fucking mice in a pet shop for around twenty hours a day, watching and waiting for something that was never gonna fucking come. Then, for reasons I didn't really care about or remember, I agreed to be moved out and ended up where I am now.

"You better shut your mouth or I'll throw _you_ out the window," I finally grumbled to Deniz, who looked crestfallen. Joe looked like she wanted to intervene but didn't. Good. I didn't even fucking swear and I could've said something much worse.

" _Korkunç_ ," he muttered. Asshole couldn't even insult me to my damn face. I was too sleepy to jump him and there wouldn't be much space to fight so I just leaned my head against the window and shut my eyes.

" _Comemierda_ ," I said back. That was one of the only Spanish words I learned from my mum when she ranted about how worthless I was.

*

After trying not to punch the staff member that was searching me for weapons, we went back inside. Wanting to sleep, I yawned again, though I knew I had chicken duty today because it was Saturday. God fucking damn it. Stupid nightmares should have happened on another day. I wasn't really one to complain out loud though so I began to walk off to the large outdoor area behind the house. "Cat," Joe said from behind me and I swivelled round just in case she was going to try to pat me on the shoulder; she probably wouldn't have but I wanted to make sure.

"Yeah," I replied. She was smiling.

"Thanks for doing this, sweetheart," she said and I internally cringed at the last word.

"Oh uh well thanks I guess," I mumbled like a fucking idiot. "I didn't do anything though."

"Agreeing to go school, I mean. It's probably scary but I think you'll have a jolly time." She handed me the bag of clothes and I nodded dumbly, but then I shook my head.

"Naw, I'm not scared of nothing," I said, forcing a grin on my face and patting myself in the chest. "In fact, everyone's gonna be scared of me. And if any of those wankers— Uh I mean, if any of those rascals piss me off, I'll claw their eyes out." I held out my hands and bared my blunt nails.

"Well I wouldn't go that far love, but I'm proud of you," Joe said and walked past me with a nod to see what everyone else was up to. Once she was gone I lowered my hands and sighed before taking my new clothes to my room. Then I came back down and went through the back door to the garden. It was huge and could probably be called a field, though some of the space was taken up by the chicken enclosure.

"Hi, girls," I said to the four hens clucking outside from behind their metal fence. There was only one rooster because if there was more than that they'd probably fight. I unlocked the wooden gate and quickly entered, shutting it behind me and kneeling to greet the chickens. Mary (yes that's a fucking ridiculous name for a chicken), was an absolute unit and had red feathers with black patterns on her wings, and she was the first to say hello, so I picked her up. She was a wyandotte breed apparently. The other hen was Constance (that's even more ridiculous), a large black orpington, and she was even bigger than Mary, but that was mostly due to her fluffy feathers. The final two hens, Susan and Sharkeesha (Lonnie named that one as a joke) were Lincolnshire buffs and their colour was that orangey classic hen colour. The rooster, Henry, was some sort of hybrid with majestic tail feathers. I heard a sound behind me that sounded like a faint footstep and stood up, still holding Mary in my arms.

"Hey, Catra," Adora said, leaning against the wooden gate with a half smile on her face. I don't know if it was intentional or not but it was oddly seductive as hell. I shook my head. If my parents knew I was having these thoughts they would have killed me. Not that they didn't _try_ before, but...

"Hey, Adora," I said back. It was some dumb joke between us. I pulled my hood off. "What you here for?"

She shrugged and just stared at me. "Dunno. Might watch you suffer," she said jokingly.

"Cheeky git," I said. I let Mary go back to her friends and left the enclosure to go to the supply shed, putting on some gardening gloves. Adora made sure to shut the gate behind me. Then I went back in there and picked up the chickens' water container, which had some feathers and dead insects it, and emptied the water down a nearby drainpipe.

"Need help?" Adora asked.

"Why not," I answered. It was just a chicken enclosure. My dignity wouldn't be sacrificed by getting help to clean it. And I really wanted to rest. Adora cleaned and refilled the water container while I emptied and cleaned the feeder before refilling it with food pellets. Then, after I put on a mask, I swept out the bedding from the inside of the coop. Adora collected eggs and I also swept the nesting boxes, then we hosed the place down and refilled it with fresh bedding. After that, we put the water container and feeder into the coop. It was starting to get dark and it wasn't even five pm yet. Fucking winter. Looked like it was going to rain too, so we herded the chickens into their coop, making sure everyone was in before closing the door on them. We discarded our gloves and masks and took the eggs inside, walking to the kitchen and placing them in the fridge.

"Thank God, it's over," Adora sighed as we headed to our room. I tried not to flinch as her hand brushed a feather off my hoodie. I hadn't even realised it was stuck there.

"Don't cuss my sisters or I'll bust ya fuckin' jaw, bruv," I said in my best roadman voice. Adora's face actually formed a grin this time, even though what I said wasn't funny at all.

"Wow. That's how Londoners speak? Charming," she said, glancing at me. I didn't know where she lived before all this, really, but she has one of those regional accents. No, not the Shrek accent, and she's not Irish like Kyle. Well, I don't think she is. I've gotten used to her voice but sometimes Lonnie and Steve make jokes about her because she pronounces things differently. Like the "r" in car.

"Bare people speak like that, man. Barbaric, innit?" I said. I didn't speak like a roadman because it was fucking annoying, but then again I never really spoke at all in the past thanks to my amazing childhood. I had language delays because my mum didn't bother talking to me as a baby unless she was cussing me. I don't remember much but she took care of me until I was old enough to walk and then ignored me most of the fucking time. Didn't even take me to nursery or school. She got fined for that but then she didn't pay and went to jail for a bit, so I went into care because I had no one to look after me. This happened a lot and she only got worse. I'd come back from care to see random blokes in the flat and when I went to a care home again and came back they'd be replaced by new ones. Fucking dodgy people, I tell you, with shaved heads, tattoos and a bottle of beer permanently welded into the skin of their palm. When I was a bit older, around six or seven, I'd go to school by myself, following some older kids who were also on their way. No one working at the school really noticed or gave a shit about how thin I was, and I often had trouble with understanding basic verbal requests, answering and asking questions and holding a conversation, so I was put in the special needs class and deemed "retarded."

Adora must have noticed that I was glaring at the floor, because she looked confused. "You alright?" she asked.

Fuck. I'd ruined everything again. A second ago we were talking and I was almost happy and then my stupid brain had to chuck some memories at me. My heart was pounding really hard for some reason and I could feel it behind my eyes. Adora probably thought I was some fucking spaz or something. "I'm fine," I mumbled, suddenly ashamed as I blinked rapidly. She was probably only being nice to me in the first place because she thought I was some retarded kid. I mean for God's sake she was almost eighteen and I was sixteen. Why would she want to talk to me? Probably because she pitied me. I was starting to overheat in my hoodie and when we entered our room I sat on the edge of my bed, my knee bouncing like a crackhead frog while I dragged my hands down my face. I felt the mattress spring down slightly as Adora sat on my bed, close but not close enough that we were touching.

"Catra—"

"What?" I snapped.

"Did I say something to make you mad?"

No. Of course not. What really made me angry was that Adora actually sounded worried. Or guilty. I couldn't fucking tell. But I didn't like it. "No, it's not your bloody fault!" I shouted, smacking myself in the forehead with the heels of my palms. "It's _me_! I'm—" I hit myself. "A fucking—" Again. "Retard!" Again. And then Adora grabbed my wrists and my brain immediately went into fight or flight reflex because being restrained was my biggest fear. Unable to protect myself. Vulnerable. "Get the fuck off!" I snapped, flailing like a magikarp or whatever that pokemon was called, but she was holding too tightly for me to pull back, so I did the only thing that came to my mind. I jumped her and we crashed to the floor. Thankfully it was covered in a carpet so we didn't get hurt too bad and Adora let go of me. For a few seconds I was above her and she was looking up at me, but I tore myself away from her and sat up.

"Shit," Adora muttered, still lying on her back and staring up at the damp ceiling. I watched her stomach rise and fall as she breathed in and out. "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. Catra, I'm sorry, I didn't think." She turned her head to me.

"I'm fine," I lied, avoiding her gaze.

"Right," she said, though I wasn't sure if I heard a hint of skepticism or not. "Just... don't hurt yourself. Maybe you could ask Joe—"

"Fuck no!" I grumbled. "I'm fine. I don't need a fucking counsellor or whatever the hell it's called." I didn't want to talk and I sure as hell didn't need pity.

Adora sat up too, crossing her legs. "Yeah, but," she began. "How are you ever going to..."

"What? Be normal?" I hissed.

"That's not what I meant," she sighed, fidgeting with her hands, glancing at me every few seconds. "Never mind."

I didn't question her further because I just wanted the damn conversation to end. Part of me did feel guilty for being such an asshole but I pushed it away. "I need to wash my hands," I mumbled, getting up and rummaging through my wardrobe for cleaner clothes. I smelled like the damn chickens. Then I headed to the bathroom and changed into something else. Once we were both done we headed downstairs without a word.

After dinner Joe made us go to the sitting room again to "socialise" since school started in a day. We didn't protest enthusiastically since there wasn't much to do in our rooms, so instead we sat down and a few of us argued over what film we should watch. Of course, most of the dvds we had were outdated and there weren't many. It wasn't like we were making difficult decisions or anything. I personally didn't give a fuck about what to watch and just stayed quiet as I sank into the old worn sofa. Deniz said he wanted to watch the big green man which I assumed to be the guy on the can of sweetcorn, but he actually meant Shrek. Uncultured swine. Somehow he even pronounced it wrong after being corrected, the fucking plum. Emily wanted transformers and Kyle suggested that Hamlet adaptation from 1996 or something. No way. Or, to be extra English, not on your nelly. That film was around four hours long. No offense to Shakespeare though, cause his plays were the bees knees. Piece of Shit was finally not snogging her boyfriend for once and when she spoke it made me wish she could just go back to the whole kissing thing. She shouted that she wanted to watch (and I'm quoting what she said): the film with the girl crawling out the telly. Everyone collectively groaned. Rogelio grumbled, " _Los burros saben más que tú._ It's The Ring, _loca_!"

In the end we settled for Beauty and the Beast, the animated version not the live action one. Our seating arrangement was pretty much the same as last night with a tense silence between us all. We were at the part when Gaston was thirsting over Belle and being a complete nonce when Lonnie said, "He used to be my childhood crush."

"Makes sense," I mumbled. Adora gave me a warning look as if to tell me not to start shit. I couldn't help it though. Whenever Lonnie spoke I had this instinct to just say something mean. Dangerous, I know, especially if you're talking to the wrong person. You can't look weak but you also need to stay alive, and I wasn't going to choose one over the other, but I leaned more on the "can't look weak" part.

"What do you mean?" Lonnie asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You're both illiterate," I continued. Oh. I think I went too far by saying that, because Lonnie was dyslexic. That was low, even for me. Lonnie herself was red in the face somehow and she was glaring at me like I'd just insulted every single one of her ancestors down to the small shrew like mammal we all came from.

"You fucking bitch!" she roared and jumped at me and I made no effort to dodge. In a few seconds we were in a tangle of arms and legs on the floor. I was punching her in the face and she was punching me and my vision was blurry and warm liquid was dripping from my nose and everyone was yelling at us to stop but we just kept going. More hands joined the fray and I squirmed my way out of their grip and then Adora and Deniz tried to pull Lonnie off but Lonnie elbowed them in the belly and grabbed my arms, pinning them to the floor. Fuck fuck fuck I couldn't move! I couldn't get out she was on me and she could do whatever she wanted to me and and and it'd be just like the nights I'd spend with my mum's "friends" when she couldn't be bothered to— I sank my teeth into Lonnie's wrist and she howled and then someone got her in a headlock and pulled her off me and I lay there like a mutilated teddy bear. It was Adora. She released Lonnie and wrapped a bicep around her arm, slowly bending her forearm back in a way that it wasn't supposed to bend with murder in her eyes, saying something that I couldn't hear over the shouting from the others. Lonnie screamed and begged her to let go and Rogelio, the largest of us, wrapped his arms around Adora and dragged her away. We were quiet.

Joe was standing in the centre of the room looking pissed. "Katrina. Lonnie. Adora. We need to talk. Come to my office," she said, frowning. Fuck, she used my real name so she must have been really mad. The three of us didn't protest and I scrambled to my feet and wiped my nose with my sleeve, passing a frightened looking Emily who was in a ball with her hands over her ears. Once we entered Joe shut the door behind us, to my agitation, and ordered us to sit on the little sofa in the room. We had to squeeze ourselves in and Adora was between me and Lonnie. I shuffled away from them both as far as I could and was breathing like I'd run a marathon, but I wasn't that ashamed because Lonnie was doing the same. There was another staff member in the room on a computer and the sounds of the keyboard clacking were putting me on edge. Joe sat down behind her desk with with a solemn expression and I felt like a witch being put on trial before the church, God damn it. "What's the meaning of this?" Joe asked. I stayed quiet.

"Lonnie attacked Catra," Adora said after nobody spoke up and I shot her a glare.

"She called me illiterate," Lonnie snapped with tears in her eyes, clutching her arm. Her lip was bleeding and there were scratches on her face. I must have done that to her but I didn't really remember it.

Joe stared us like she was used to our bullshit. "Catra, you had no reason to insult her like that. And Lonnie, love, you had no reason to get violent over a petty insult," she sighed, tapping on the keyboard of her computer. "And you, Adora, I thought you knew better than this. Hurting Lonnie was unnecessary after you separated the two. All three of you will be doing extra chores for the next month." Adora just stared at the floor. "I'm sorry girls but I'm going to have to report this."

"What? Nobody even broke any bones this time!" I shouted, standing up. The last time there was a fight like that I got a month added to my sentence.

"Sorry love, but you know the rules. Any accounts of violence or illegal activities must be reported," Joe said, looking helpless. I begrudgingly sat back down and we waited for her to finish and dismiss us. "You can go. Wash your faces, alright?" I put a hand to my face and winced. Shit, it hurt just to touch it and I'd probably look like a hamster tomorrow with the way my cheeks were bruising. We left the office and I headed to my room. Adora followed. Once I was in the bathroom I looked in the mirror to see that the blood from my nose had dripped down to my chin, making me look like I'd torn somebody's throat out with my own teeth, and there were red bruises on my nose and cheeks. Splashing myself with water I washed the blood off and changed into my pjs, putting my clothes into the basket as they had bloodstains on them, and I pressed a wad of tissue below my nose. Sighing, I sat on my bed. Adora just sat on hers, also in her pjs, and said nothing.

"Why you in here?" I asked her.

"What do you mean? It's my room too."

"I ruined your night and now you're not in the mood to watch the film. I shouldn't've fucking said that to Lonnie."

"Hey, I've watched beauty and the beast a lot. It's fine. Maybe what you said to Lonnie was offensive," Adora said in a matter of fact way, shrugging. "But she didn't have to go on a mad one like that." I didn't reply to her because honestly if someone said certain things to me I'd have the same reaction as Lonnie. Adora got off her bed, the mattress squeaking slightly, and she got closer to mine and sat on the floor, leaning her shoulder against the edge of my mattress as she looked up at me. "You okay?" she asked, more soft than usual.

"Yeah," I grumbled, not looking at her. Why the hell was she asking? And why like _that_? Did she think I was crying or something?

"I know this might piss you off, but... when Lonnie grabbed you—"

" _Don't_ ," I said, looking directly at her to show her I was serious. "I wasn't scared. I was just surprised."

Adora didn't press me further, thank God. She probably wanted to keep our friendship calm, though I didn't know why anyone would want to be friends with me. I still had trouble believing that Adora was being genuinely nice to me. Still had trouble believing _anyone_ could be. At the end of the day, most people just want something from you or want to hurt you. "Hey, Adora," I began quietly.

"Hm?" she mumbled.

"How do you do it? Like, be all normal and stuff most of the time."

She sighed and sounded really tired. "Bloody hell, that's a tough one," she said, looking deep in thought. "I don't know. Practice, maybe? I had to act like everything was fine at home so the social didn't take me away. 'Least, that's what me uncle said. Said he only looked after me for money. Apparently it was my fault he hit me." I blinked. She never really told me anything about her life before. Why was she doing it now? Fuck, I must have said something really sentimental.

"And you were just okay with that?" I asked, though it wasn't like I could talk.

Adora shrugged. "I didn't know that was wrong."

Fuck, that part stung. As a kid I didn't know that what my mum was doing to me was wrong. I didn't know that what her friends were doing to me was wrong, even though it felt that way. Or my dad, though mum was too batshit crazy at that point to care about anything except drugs. Even if I was sure it was wrong I didn't have the vocabulary to say "stop" or tell my mum. She'd probably say I deserved it. Sighing, I tentatively reached out my hand to Adora like I was afraid she was gonna bite me. She looked confused for a moment but didn't move back as I ran my hand over her silky hair, and then leaned into my touch. I wondered how she wasn't flinching away and quickly pulled my hand back. I'd hate it if someone touched my head without warning. I should have been more considerate, damn it.

"Uh," I began like an idiot. "Sorry."

"Nah," she said, looking a little disappointed. "I didn't mind." I glanced at my hand. Damn. The knuckles were bruised from punching so much. I didn't really care though.

"Adora, you log, just get off the floor and sit up here. I haven't had a kip all day and I'm knackered," I said, patting the mattress and trying to smile in a non-creepy way. She did as I said.

"Isn't that the furry not safe for work thing?" she chuckled. "I know there's cat in your name, but..."

"I think that's yiff, and fuck no," I said indignantly.

"Right. Now budge up," Adora commanded. I flopped onto my side. Adora did the same. "Good night."

"'Night," I said. Falling asleep near someone I barely know is really stupid, even for me, but I need to trust her. Trust _someone_ , at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Korkunç" - "scary," pretty much.  
> "Comemierda" - "eat shit." Can also be used to call someone an idiot. I'm not actually able to speak Spanish yet so this might be wrong.  
> Rogelio's line - "Donkeys know more than you."
> 
> I don't know if I should write the British slang too. Oh well.  
> I hope you somewhat enjoyed this chapter though!


	3. Mama, just jumped a girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lonnie annoys Emily and Octavia manages to get Catra to accidentally reveal information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mention of r*pe
> 
> Sorry this took so long to write, I hope it's not too disappointing of a chapter. For some reason it had to be 5000 words.

The guy stared at us, shocked like he couldn't believe what had happened and placed a palm over his stomach. Blood spread across his grey hoodie. Instead of being a bright red it was dark, almost black in the twilight, when the streetlamps hadn't turned on yet and the sky was still blue enough for me to see what was around me but the trees and other objects were on the edge of being navy blue silhouettes.

My step brother held the bloodied knife in his hand with his eyes wide and lip quivering. "Shit! No, no, no!" he groaned, grabbing his head and messing up his hair, ignoring the man bleeding out and staggering away for help. He turned to me with a crazy look in his eyes."Can't you fucking defend yourself?!"

I was frozen. The blood. It scared me. Brought back memories. And I shook like a coward. The wind howled and the tree branches crashed against each other, leaves whispering amongst themselves. Probably discussing what a weakling I was. My brother got real close to me, hand gripping my shoulder so hard that I feared more bruises would appear. Sweat dripped down his face. "You tell anyone about what you saw and I'll fucking kill you," he hissed, eyes piercing into my soul.

Then I felt a knife shoved into my gut, holding back a scream as it was twisted around.

*

Not again.

I couldn't deal with this shit but my brain seemed eager to punish me. For a few minutes I tried to calm down, breathing in and out as deeply as I could and focusing on the warmth beside me. Fuck, at least this nightmare didn't involve my dad. Thank God. I placed a palm over my stomach, feeling for any wound, blood or pain and removing it when I found none. In real life, my brother didn't stab me, or else I probably wouldn't have been lying next to Thor— I mean, Adora. Nah, my brother just ran away, taking the knife with him and leaving me behind with a bloody hand print on my shoulder. Blinking, I checked the time on the clock. Still a while before we actually had to wake up. Stretching so hard that I felt my height grow an extra few inches, I yawned and felt the familiar rumbling in my ears. Then I sat up despite being sleepy as shit. My body wanted to rest. But my mind? Fuck no. I wasn't going to risk another dream, and I had already spent hours immobile and unaware of what was going on around me. I wasn't going to become even more vulnerable by giving into my desire to sleep. _Would Adora_ — no, shut up you skeptical prat.

Adora clearly didn't feel the same way about falling asleep because her eyes were still shut and she was breathing slowly, curled up as small as possible to fit on my bed. When her eyes were closed peacefully like that she looked kind of innocent, a strange softness to her usually stern features. Wait, no. That's not a good thing. Adora should know better. She should be suspicious of sleeping so deeply when someone else is right near her. Is she faking being asleep like last time?

It would be so easy for me to hurt her if she wasn't.

Of course, I wouldn't fucking do that, and not just because of the trouble I'd get into. Anyway I should change the subject before I go off on a tangent about morality or the past or whatever bullshit I can drag from my head.

I managed to stand and yawned again, itching my shoulder, and went to the small bathroom. Might as well get ready before someone breaks the fucking door down. Did I have to shower though? I hated every part of the process. I'd probably want to after doing that BS sports thing, but sometimes I really can't be asked.

Quickly I brushed my teeth and did all the other stuff you're supposed to do when you've just woken up and need to get ready, then leaned close to the tiny mirror, examining my hair. It looked messy but I didn't want to brush it — my head is annoyingly sensitive and hair brushing usually ends with pain and suffering. A bit melodramatic, but its true. My face was bruised up because of Lonnie and breathing through my nose was a bit difficult, but my body was fine for the most part. I went back to our room to get my clothes and changed them quickly in the bathroom. Quietly walking out into the corridor, I looked back at Adora, then left to go downstairs.

It was just beginning to get light outside and everything inside was still a greyish blue colour, which was streaming through the window of the back door. I saw a dark figure in the kitchen sitting at the table alone and I froze, thinking I had just walked in on an intruder or someone sacrificing a doll to Tony the tiger. Thankfully it was just Emily and her cardboard robot. I didn't say anything and she didn't look up to acknowledge me, if she actually heard over the sound of frosties being chewed. Why the fuck were they so crunchy? Did she not pour milk into the egg cup she was eating from? And why frosties, the worst cereal after cornflakes? Joe bought some coco pops a while ago and we still had some. Speaking of which, I needed them. Usually I hate anything chocolate flavoured but coco pops is okay because it makes chocolate milk which is better than any other chocolate milk you can find in a bottle or a carton. Ah shit I'm rambling again. I searched for a bowl in the cupboards and found a purple one. It was plastic, like all the other plates, because it couldn't shatter. Speaking from personal experiences here, having plates thrown at you and dealing with the noise and mess is a pain in the arse. Whoever bought the plates for this place must have thought the same.

Picking up the nearly empty box of coco pops, I mumbled, "What the hell are you doing down here?" The cereal made little tapping sounds against the plastic as it streamed into the bowl and Emily was quiet for a bit.

"Eating frosties."

I rephrased my question, realising my mistake. "Why you here at this time?"

"I'm always here for breakfast," Emily said, staring at her cereal. "And to observe the fox activity."

"What the fuck?" I hissed, rushing to the garden door and looking through the glass to see the chicken coop. "Did you see it going in the coop?" I asked, my heart pounding in my ears and my hands uncontrollably clenching. I would break the window if it was possible for me to save the chickens.

"No," she answered, sounding frightened. I didn't know if it was my sudden movement or my face that scared her. "And there was more than one."

I didn't give a rat's arse about how many there were. As long as the chickens were okay. Fuck, something's wrong with me if I keep getting worried about some stupid animals, but I just don't want to see them hurt. Last time the chickens had their necks snapped but if a predator got to the ones left it'd be even more fucking gory, and I could barely deal with the first incident.

"Aw, you crying over a bunch of fucking birds?" asked Lonnie as she entered the kitchen and my short moment of relief changed into fury. Shit! That bitch.

"Piss off," I snapped, turning away from the window and glaring at her.

"Naw. What you gonna do, snake me out to your girlfriend?" She crossed her chunky arms over her sleeveless top, smirking like she'd just made the most original joke ever. I would have been more angry if the scratches I inflicted on her face weren't so red.

"We're not —" I began, faltering. As if someone like Adora would ever want to be girlfriends with a rabid deformed chihuahua like me. "She's not my girlfriend. How many times do I have to put that in your tiny brain? And when the fuck have I ever snaked anybody out?!" I hissed, trying to keep my breathing under control. I wasn't no snitch and Lonnie acting like I was some coward who let other people fight for me pissed me off. Fucking hell, I didn't ask Adora to go psycho and almost snap her elbow. I was doing fine. I didn't need her to protect me.

Whatever. Lonnie was annoying and a dickhead who wanted to look tough but at least she wasn't someone like... Octavia, for example, 'cause if that bitch was here she probably would have said something to make me even angrier than I already was. Probably would have threatened to slit my throat too. And murder the chickens.

Lonnie didn't reply to me, checking the coco pops box and shaking it slightly. Sounded like there were only a few in there. "Whatever," she finally said, crushing the side of the box in her tight grip.

"Please don't fight. It's scary," Emily spoke up, looking at the table. Lonnie glanced at her as if she just noticed the girl. (Then again she was short as a fucking garden gnome so it wasn't that surprising.) I recognised that look in Lonnie's eyes — the look that she usually got when she was bored and wanted to anger or hurt someone. I wondered if boredom was the reason why she beat up an old person.

"Scary, eh?"

"Yes, I just said—"

Lonnie snatched Emily's cardboard toy and crumpled it up with childish glee before dropping it in front of her. Emily stared at Lonnie for a few seconds and I knew she had just opened the gates of hell on herself. I ain't gonna save her when Emily's murdering her. "You ruined it," muttered the small girl, looking at the crushed remains of her "robot" on the table. Less than a second later Emily's chair scraped on the floor as she jumped out of her seat, the sound making me cringe, screaming, "You ruined it you ruined it!" Lonnie the bastard ran out the kitchen and Emily followed, her purple pigtails flowing behind her like she was Naruto running. With mild interest I followed the pair into the corridor to see Lonnie rushing past Adora, who had wrapped her arms around Emily and was squeezing her as hard as she could.

"It's all right," Adora muttered reassuringly, patting her back, almost drowned out by the sound of Emily's shouting, which had woken everyone up and attracted them to the stairs where they all looked down on us.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Joe, still in her pajamas, asked us a few minutes later as she appeared from her room. Everyone was silent except for Kyle, who sneezed. Emily had quietened too, clinging to Adora like a baby orangutan. I was kind of jealous of her but my avoidance of physical contact and intimacy would make doing the same thing impossible. When no one said anything Joe's eyes narrowed.

"I saw Lonnie running away from Emily," Adora said quietly into the void of silence.

Lonnie growled, waving a fist and hitting it into the side of her own leg. "Fucking snitch."

Joe turned to Lonnie with a death glare, wordlessly chastising her for swearing.  "What happened to make Emily so upset?" she asked, trying to keep her voice level.

"It's not my fault," Lonnie mumbled. Her green eyes met mine for a second and she knew I had the knowledge that could get her in trouble. But was I a snitch? Lonnie's words echoed in my head and I gritted my teeth.

"She didn't do nothing," I forced myself to say, glaring at the floor and trying not to look at Lonnie or Joe. "Emily accidentally stepped on her toy and blamed it on Lonnie." I knew Emily wasn't going to call me a liar cause whenever she cried like that she'd usually stop talking for a whole day and never speak of the incident. One time something upset her so bad that she didn't even eat anything for five days.

When I looked up Joe still seemed suspicious of me but assumed I was telling the truth because she expected me to make Lonnie look bad, due to the fight that took place yesterday. She sighed, anger fading from her face, and managed to detach Emily from Adora. With the way Emily was holding on I thought she needed to be surgically removed.

"Blimey," muttered Joe as she guided Emily up the stairs. Kyle, Deniz, Piece of Shit and her skeleton boyfriend moved out of the way to make space for them and headed down to the sitting room or back to their bedrooms. "Why do you get yourself into such a state?" Lonnie grinned deviously and left while Adora, Rogelio and I stayed where we were at the base of the staircase, unsure of what to do.

There was a bang bang bang on the front door and I tried not to jump, though my heart still beat like a bottle of fizzy drink that had been chucked around. Fucking Scorpia and her aggressive fucking knocks. Joe chucked some keys down the stairs and Rogelio, half naked, unlocked the door. The big lady walked in with her cycling helmet still on and grinned when she noticed us. "Nice, some of you are up. Don't think that'll matter though," she said in her booming voice. Rogelio just nodded sleepily and went into the sitting room.

"Hold on!" Joe called from upstairs, "I'll be down soon, love!"

"What do you mean it won't matter?" asked Adora, looking Scorpia up and down. There were water droplets on her helmet and small stains on her tracksuit bottoms. "Oh," she said, understanding the situation.

"Yeah," said Scorpia. "Started chuckin' it down once I got let in." She waved her card that she scanned to unlock the metal door of the fence and a smile appeared on her chiselled face. "Anyway, how you doing?" She removed her helmet, holding it in the crook of her elbow, and patted Adora so hard on the shoulder I heard a smacking sound. It made me fucking cringe on the inside and I wondered how she felt.

Adora tried to smile back but it looked like she was being forced to watch that show about the fat purple dinosaur. What was his name again? Bernie or something. "I'm good," Adora replied, trying to sound like she believed it. Scorpia suddenly turned to me as if she'd only just seen me. Unsurprising. I could probably hide in the shadows in the corner without being seen if I wanted to. It's not really a bad thing. It's almost comforting to step back and watch everything like I'm not even there. Usually it happens without me realising, which is good because it sometimes stops my emotions from controlling me. Scorpia removed her giant hand from Adora's shoulder, much to her relief, and awkwardly waved at me. I could tell she was itching to pat — more like slap — me too but she already knew I would hate it.

"You all right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered, trying not to sound angry. Why the fuck was she asking me that? Did I look sad or something? Was it the bruises on my face and nose? Maybe the scar on my face gave me a permanently traumatised look like I was a sick puppy that had its eye gouged out by a cruel owner, and Scorpia just didn't know how to react to that no matter how many times she visited. Thankfully Joe interrupted my questioning as she came down the stairs alone.

"Sorry, dear, I had some stuff to deal with. Emily upset herself," she explained to Scorpia and led her to the kitchen. "Come on, let's get us a cup'a tea, eh? Looks like we can't go outside today and you certainly can't..." Her voice trailed off the further they got and I glanced at Adora.

"Great, I got ready for fuck all," I muttered, looking at her still messy hair and the patch of tears Emily left on her top.

"It's still good to have a routine," Adora said, shrugging like she was carrying the big ben on her shoulders.

We quietly went into the sitting room where Deniz was standing atop the sofa screaming, "Yes!" like that video of M Bison. He must have heard the news too, the happy bastard. I should have been happy too because I usually hated doing physical activities at such an early time, but all I felt was mild satisfaction. It pissed me off that my emotions seemed dull most of the time except when I was angry. But maybe that's a good thing. Sadness is unnecessary and makes you look weak and happiness doesn't last. Which is true because my mild satisfaction disappeared at the sight of Lonnie. Bloody hell, I really am a dumbass if I let myself get manipulated by a dickhead like her. She would have gladly snaked me out if it was the other way round. Poor Emily — I could have given her justice if I wasn't so brain dead.

I felt a pang of hunger and realised I'd left my coco pops in the kitchen. Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I'd feel weird walking into the kitchen with Scorpia and Joe there. Part of me was worried that they'd start arguing about divorce and chuck plates at each each other, but I quickly realised that was fucking stupid cause they're not even married and Joe has a husband. I walked around the sofa that was closest to me and sat down, bringing my legs up and crossing them and a few seconds later Adora sat near me. Downstairs it was just us, Lonnie, Rogelio, Kyle and Deniz and we were bored. Deniz was enough of a crackhead to keep himself occupied but the rest of us weren't. A few seconds later Rogelio booted up the crusty Xbox 360 and inserted guitar hero: warriors of rock. I was conflicted. The songs on that game were good but Deniz had to scream the lyrics and make everyone except Adora go deaf or go through immense pain. She was already deaf in one ear so maybe it didn't hurt her as much.

Rogelio picked up the plastic guitar and scrolled down the song list before choosing "How you remind me" by Nickelback. I was conflicted again. People like to shit on that band but the song itself is actually kind of okay. But at the same time I was disgusted that Rogelio was playing that specific song because of how easy it was to play compared to most of the others on the game — he wasn't even on hard or expert mode to make it more challenging. What a filthy peasant. While he played, his fingers stabbed into the buttons like he was trying to destroy the guitar and Lonnie roared, "Oi, don't break it! I'm playing next!" Rogelio kept making mistakes and the guitar kept cutting out, making the song sound disjointed. Not even Deniz could scream along to it. The crowd in the game booed and the song ended before it actually reached the end.

"'Ello, you lot," a gravelly voice said while Lonnie started to choose her song. I immediately felt cold on the inside. Steve. Not from Minecraft, but the Steve that lived here. The Steve that looked like a skeleton and had a cockney accent and was also the boyfriend of Octavia. The Steve that creeped me out and reminded me of my dad. He entered the room and flopped into an armchair, his piece of shit girlfriend following a few seconds later. I wanted to leave but I'd look afraid, and they knew it. Adora pinched my sleeve and tugged it softly, trying to get my attention. I didn't know why. The observant bastard must have noticed my cowardly thoughts through my body language and I hated myself for it. Fuck.

"This is shit," Octavia sighed watching as Lonnie struggled to play "Fury of the storm" on easy mode.

"Shut up," Lonnie mumbled, staring intently at the fretboard on the screen. She kept playing and it really did sound shit.

"Oi, Evanescence," Octavia called. No one answered her.

I wondered what the fuck she was on about. Maybe she used some meth that Steve smuggled in somehow — he certainly looked like he used it every day. I was kinda surprised she even remembered what Evanescence was. Usually people just knew them from that whole "wake me up, wake me up inside" meme.

"There's no song by Evanescence on this game," Adora said over Lonnie's terrible shredding, sounding puzzled.

"I was talking to your dog, spaz," Octavia corrected.

"I don't have a—" Adora stopped for a few seconds. When I glanced at her, her eyebrows were tilted into something resembling a glare as she finally looked directly at Octavia. "Shut up," she said quietly, yet everyone heard, and turned back to the TV.

Wait a minute. I'd been so focused on trying to stay still that I didn't notice Piece of Shit calling me the name of a rock band and then calling me Adora's dog. Must have been sleep deprivation carried over from yesterday, but I was pissed off. My fists clenched so hard my knuckles were white. Maybe, just maybe I was a dog, but I didn't belong to no one. Not anymore. I was going to reply to Piece of Shit when Lonnie, losing the game, spoke up.

"Evian-whatever don't suit her. Gay is better."

Rogelio and Kyle shared a strange look and I snapped, "What?

Piece of Shit ignored me. "Yeah, but isn't that like, a sin or something? Does she want to go to hell?" she asked, pretending to be dumb. God, I wanted to shank her. That'd show her what was a sin. But Joe always locked up the kitchen knives and the rest of the cutlery was just coloured plastic. I stood up, teeth painfully gritting.

"Like you can chat," I hissed. "You murdered a bunch of animals you fucking psycho. As far as I'm concerned we're all going to hell, if it even exists."

Everyone was quiet. Even Deniz. Octavia just said, "You didn't deny it, though."

"What?"

"Being a fag."

Kyle gasped. Rogelio and Deniz looked confused. "Cigarette?" Rogelio mumbled, and Kyle said something into his ear.

I was just about to throw the plastic guitar at Octavia and smash it on her head, but Adora stood up and walked over to her. Octavia did the same and placed her hands on her hips, trying to assert dominance. They looked like two mountains together. I remembered Lonnie's words and rage melted away the coldness that Steve left in me. I wasn't going to be a coward. This didn't involve her. I grabbed Adora's t-shirt, lightly pulling her back. She looked confused but turned and headed to her seat. "I don't have time for you," she said to Octavia.

"It's just banter," Octavia said, rolling her eyes, but she was grinning. I knew that in an instant she could go from a dumb girl stereotype to a cold hearted psycho. "I just don't understand like, the lifestyle and shit. Is it caused by genetics?" She paused. Adora looked at her as if she was waiting for something intelligent to come out of her mouth and when nothing happened she turned her head to the TV, watching Kyle quietly play "Bohemian rhapsody" when Octavia said. "Or were you like, abused or something?"

That was the start of another one of my stupid fuck ups. Octavia and I were both on the floor and I didn't know how we got there. My memory of it was like I paused a video and fast forwarded ahead, and then unpaused it, not knowing what happened during the skip. Pre skip I was standing and staring at her and after it I was kneeled above her and was punching her in the face. "You fucking bitch!" I roared, knuckles stinging, wanting to beat her into a bloody pile and hear her beg me to stop. Octavia was bigger than me though and she managed to chuck me off her and I hit my head on the floor. It was carpet thankfully so it didn't hurt too badly. I felt a hand from behind grabbing the hood of my hoodie and another held my sleeve. I was about to turn and punch whoever it was but I realised it was just Adora.

"Catra, what are you doing?" she hissed, holding me close despite my struggling.

"Let go!" I snapped. I was going to rip off Octavia's face with my bare hands if I could.

"Is anyone going to tell me what happened here?!" a voice with a Yorkshire accent shouted over the clamour. Shit. It was Joe. No one said anything. Deniz, Rogelio and Kyle were shuffling around awkwardly, and Lonnie was looking back and forth between Octavia and I with an expression on her face that was both shocked and gleeful. Octavia herself was wiping her nose to check if she was bleeding, supported by Steve, who was almost half the size of her. It would have been funny if my body didn't feel like a furious swarm of bees ready to disperse and sting the shit out of everyone.

Octavia was the first to speak. "Catra attacked me," she said, sniffling. "She probably would've raped me if you didn't step in."

"That's a lie," Adora said from behind me but all I could focus on was what Octavia said and the way Adora's hands were on my shoulders. When the fuck did they get there? It didn't matter. I just wanted them off. My body was sweating so much it probably looked like the condensation on a cold fizzy drink can and with every breath I took I felt more sick.

"Get off," I mumbled, trying to move out from her grip, but Adora didn't let me go. Maybe she didn't hear me. She must have thought I was going to jump Octavia again but at the time I was in too much of a panic to understand that. "Get off!" I snapped, jabbing my elbow into her stomach. She let go and I left the room with my mind running a million miles an hour.

Where to go where to go where to go. The front door still had the keys in it so I quickly twisted them and ran outside. I knew I wouldn't be able to escape thanks to the giant fence circling the entire area but I sure could hide. Raindrops splattered on the exposed skin of my face and soaked into my clothes. _Don't think about it._ Thankfully I was covered up to my ankles and hands, and my hood was on, but I knew I wouldn't stay dry for long. I ran all the way around the house to the back garden trying not to slip on the muddy ground and finally reached my destination. There were a few trees dotted around but I focused on the chicken coop. It stood on four wooden legs and there was bit of space underneath so I could stay hidden and dry. I crawled under it, ignoring the freezing mud that was going all over my clothes — maybe if I covered myself completely in mud nobody would ever want to touch me again. _Don't think about it_. Then again, some freaks with weird fetishes would probably love the idea of that.

The rain fell to the grassy floor and the roof of the coop like small meteors and the sound was deafening but I was thankful. I wanted to silence my thoughts and memories. I tried not to shiver. Probably just the cold. Tightening the drawstrings of my hood, I curled up and tried to stay as hidden and warm as possible, focusing on the ache in my knuckles so I wouldn't think are out anything else. For a while it seemed like I'd be alone but that was just asking for too much because I always fuck everything up somehow.

"Catra!" Adora shouted, looking at me, her face visible through the gap between the coop and the grass. "What are you doing there?

"Hunting for elephants, obviously," I snapped, angry that she'd found me as I crawled out. Fucking garden. There weren't really many places I could hide in. Adora looked at me seriously without saying a word and I had the feeling she was criticising my sarcasm. Usually it worked on her but that one was plain stupid.

"I was calling you for like, a whole minute, but you were staring right through me," she finally said, crossing her arms over her chest. I blinked raindrops off my eyelashes and rubbed them.

"Maybe I didn't want to get out," I muttered, wondering if Adora's brain was damaged or if mine was. I didn't hear or see anything except rain. "Whatever." I leaned against the coop, stuffing my hands into my pockets. It was cold as fuck but I didn't want to go inside so Octavia could act like I was some unhinged psychopath and Joe could get angry at me. I glanced up at Adora, who was just wearing her t-shirt and shorts and I wondered why she wasn't shivering. She once told me that she doesn't feel things as strongly as other people and I assumed she meant her emotions but maybe she meant her body. Her white t-shirt was saturated with water and I could see her skin through the fabric. Quickly I tore my gaze away, feeling guilty for staring at her like a sick pervert.

"Why did you get all angry at Octavia?" Adora asked and I cringed at the mention of that girl's name.

"None of your business," I snapped.

"It _is_ my business," she replied, sounding irritated, which didn't surprise me because I annoyed myself too. "I live here and it's not nice seeing a fight every day." I looked up at her and she was staring absent mindedly at the floor, shaking her head and looking more disappointed than angry, like I was just some stupid child who spilled juice on the floor. It pissed me off. "I thought you was gonna settle things with Octavia maturely, but then you jumped on her. Sometimes... I feel like you enjoy this."

"What?" I said, getting closer to her. " _I_ like fighting?! You almost snapped Lonnie's arm yesterday!"

"Because she was hurting you."

"I don't need your help," I said. "And I don't need you to tell Joe everything. I ain't no snake."

Adora shook her head. "Not telling the truth is only gonna hurt you," she said calmly, almost glaring at me. "If I'd told the social services about what happened to me at home then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation."

"Yeah, you'd be stuck in a normal care home and treated like fucking cattle. Is that better?" I hissed, blinking water from my eyes. "Or maybe you'd get fostered by people who were only in it for the money and get treated even worse than a dog. Or, worst case scenario, some underpaid fucker at social would just tell you to forgive your dad cause he's _family_ and then you'd get the shit beaten out of you for snitching."

"Uncle," she corrected. Seriously. That was the only thing she paid attention to? Fucking psycho.

"Same thing," I growled, walking past her, unsure if what I was feeling was rage or despair.

I'd fucked things up with the only person who slightly liked me.

And even worse, I exposed too much of myself to Octavia without even realising. And I jumped her.

I knew that she wasn't going to rest until she got me back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang, everything kinda went downhill this chapter.


End file.
